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: There is not a damn thing wrong with store bought jelly. I'll send you the two bucks!
This is what I did this afternoon and marked my progress to my friend, who loves to make her own jelly and shit. My grandma has always made these ‘sweet pickles’ and of course, can’t cook anymore. We were talking about them over the weekend and I told her I’d try to make them, because she said they were super easy!
Yeah. “Super easy”
Post 1:
Ok, Sue, I'm ready!!I am actually making my grandma's famous sweet pickles right now! I think they are actually called bread and butter pickles. I've never made them before. My gramma doesn't get around anymore and can't cook, but over the weekend we were talking about the pickles and I agreed to make a batch for the family. I'm so nervous! I can never make any of her recipes quite the same as she does.
So that's what I'm doing! I bought one box of mason jars - I think that should be enough. But I also bought grape juice to make your easy grape jelly. Boy - I'm just going crazy! I don't know if I have enough jars for that, but we'll see.
Post #2:
ps: OMG THESE PICKLES STINK AND THE VINEGAR IS BURNING MY EYES!!!!!!
MYYYY EYYYESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#3:
update:
I can't tell for sure, due to my limited and distorted vinegar-vision, but I think the turmeric has stained my fingers, my white counter tops and the white pergo floors.
Also, I fear my olfactory senses will never be the same.
OH GOD WILL THIS NIGHTMARE NEVER END?
#4:
I'm in pickle hell. I swear on my life, I will never eat another pickle.
Does anyone have a nice moonshine recipe? A Kentucky bourbon, or....well, anything?
WHAT WILL GET THIS HEINOUS SMELL OF PICKLE DEATH OUT OF MY HOUSE??????
FINAL POST:
Theorum Testing:
Hypothesis:
Canning is fun! People who like canning are fun!
Test:
Prepare and can 1 recipe of sweet pickles and 1 recipe of "easy" grape jelly
Outcome:
Burned and (I fear, permanently) yellowed fingers. Stench of evil permeates my house. Kids questioning why mommy is mad at them and will the house smell like this forever? Wipe tears from young children's eyes and reassure them. Give kids ice cream and tell them to go play outside when the are not reassured.
Bleach counters, appliances and floors. (Oh, sweet smell of chlorene bleach, your calming vapors are like angels breath!) Complete and clean up (mostly) from first and last pickling adventure. Begin preparations for 'easy' grape jelly. Ahh, this IS easy! I can do this! Stirring the deceptively easy ingredients in non-stick pan (chuckle a little at self at how clever I am for using non-stick) Notice the water level in the jar-boiling pot is a little low. Goes to quickly add more hot water to pot. In the 4 feet from pot to sink - easy jelly boils over onto electric stove top. Curse previous owners of this stupid house for installing electric stove. Who has electric stove?? Is this 1957? Swears.
Whoa! It's really smoking now. Yes. Fire alarms go off. Kitchen fills with smoke and 'easy' jelly transforms into large billowing bubbles of black tar on stove surface. Attempt tar bubble removal using wet dishtowel. Failed attempt. Smeared "jelly substance" forms new and bigger bubbles. Kids run inside, prompted possibly by the Terretts-like outburst. Daughter, 5, instructing me loudly to "STOP, DROP AND ROLL, and GET LOW AND GO!! Son, 6, cries. Shoo kids back outside with big fake smile - "go play and we'll have pizza for dinner!"
Ponders sending resume to hollywood special effects company via Monster.com. I am certain I have found useful tools for shooting horror movies. Realize that I can actually smell burnt "jelly substance". Thanks the Lord for return of some sensory capabilities. Pours remainder of "jelly substance" into jars and promptly spills several cups worth on nice butcher block, floor, recipe and foot.
Step 2: All jars back into water "bath". Clean up. Look at clock. Still to early to fix cocktail. Step over daughter, still demonstrating crawlilng under smoke-line for safety. Come to computer to start to share experiment results. Concerned that spelling and grammar may be horrific, due to fact that screen is not readily visable in the smoke.
Ding! Time to take jars out. Attempt to remove filled jars from innocent looking 'water bath'. Notes interesting phenominon in which the substance in the jars has mysteriously increased in weight ten-fold since submurging in water. Questions if this is possible. Fishes jar of 'jelly like substance (which looks suspiciously still like 'juice like substance') out of water-torture device with tongs. Drops jar several times back into the fire-y pit of undulating water hell and splashes eyeballs with what feels like volcanic magma. Have I just lost the strength in my hands and arms? Lost the will to live?
At long last jars are out and cooling, kids have stopped crying, and blessedly, time to open a bottle of well-deserved red wine. Call pizza place. Vow to forever buy delicious and nutritious store-bought jelly.
Result: Canning is bullshit.
People who say canning is fun and easy like to laugh at other people's expense and/or have a well-honed ability to know when the hot firemen with no sense of smell or fear of smoke, are on duty to show up at the house when it starts to burn down.
This is what I did this afternoon and marked my progress to my friend, who loves to make her own jelly and shit. My grandma has always made these ‘sweet pickles’ and of course, can’t cook anymore. We were talking about them over the weekend and I told her I’d try to make them, because she said they were super easy!
Yeah. “Super easy”
Post 1:
Ok, Sue, I'm ready!!I am actually making my grandma's famous sweet pickles right now! I think they are actually called bread and butter pickles. I've never made them before. My gramma doesn't get around anymore and can't cook, but over the weekend we were talking about the pickles and I agreed to make a batch for the family. I'm so nervous! I can never make any of her recipes quite the same as she does.
So that's what I'm doing! I bought one box of mason jars - I think that should be enough. But I also bought grape juice to make your easy grape jelly. Boy - I'm just going crazy! I don't know if I have enough jars for that, but we'll see.
Post #2:
ps: OMG THESE PICKLES STINK AND THE VINEGAR IS BURNING MY EYES!!!!!!
MYYYY EYYYESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#3:
update:
I can't tell for sure, due to my limited and distorted vinegar-vision, but I think the turmeric has stained my fingers, my white counter tops and the white pergo floors.
Also, I fear my olfactory senses will never be the same.
OH GOD WILL THIS NIGHTMARE NEVER END?
#4:
I'm in pickle hell. I swear on my life, I will never eat another pickle.
Does anyone have a nice moonshine recipe? A Kentucky bourbon, or....well, anything?
WHAT WILL GET THIS HEINOUS SMELL OF PICKLE DEATH OUT OF MY HOUSE??????
FINAL POST:
Theorum Testing:
Hypothesis:
Canning is fun! People who like canning are fun!
Test:
Prepare and can 1 recipe of sweet pickles and 1 recipe of "easy" grape jelly
Outcome:
Burned and (I fear, permanently) yellowed fingers. Stench of evil permeates my house. Kids questioning why mommy is mad at them and will the house smell like this forever? Wipe tears from young children's eyes and reassure them. Give kids ice cream and tell them to go play outside when the are not reassured.
Bleach counters, appliances and floors. (Oh, sweet smell of chlorene bleach, your calming vapors are like angels breath!) Complete and clean up (mostly) from first and last pickling adventure. Begin preparations for 'easy' grape jelly. Ahh, this IS easy! I can do this! Stirring the deceptively easy ingredients in non-stick pan (chuckle a little at self at how clever I am for using non-stick) Notice the water level in the jar-boiling pot is a little low. Goes to quickly add more hot water to pot. In the 4 feet from pot to sink - easy jelly boils over onto electric stove top. Curse previous owners of this stupid house for installing electric stove. Who has electric stove?? Is this 1957? Swears.
Whoa! It's really smoking now. Yes. Fire alarms go off. Kitchen fills with smoke and 'easy' jelly transforms into large billowing bubbles of black tar on stove surface. Attempt tar bubble removal using wet dishtowel. Failed attempt. Smeared "jelly substance" forms new and bigger bubbles. Kids run inside, prompted possibly by the Terretts-like outburst. Daughter, 5, instructing me loudly to "STOP, DROP AND ROLL, and GET LOW AND GO!! Son, 6, cries. Shoo kids back outside with big fake smile - "go play and we'll have pizza for dinner!"
Ponders sending resume to hollywood special effects company via Monster.com. I am certain I have found useful tools for shooting horror movies. Realize that I can actually smell burnt "jelly substance". Thanks the Lord for return of some sensory capabilities. Pours remainder of "jelly substance" into jars and promptly spills several cups worth on nice butcher block, floor, recipe and foot.
Step 2: All jars back into water "bath". Clean up. Look at clock. Still to early to fix cocktail. Step over daughter, still demonstrating crawlilng under smoke-line for safety. Come to computer to start to share experiment results. Concerned that spelling and grammar may be horrific, due to fact that screen is not readily visable in the smoke.
Ding! Time to take jars out. Attempt to remove filled jars from innocent looking 'water bath'. Notes interesting phenominon in which the substance in the jars has mysteriously increased in weight ten-fold since submurging in water. Questions if this is possible. Fishes jar of 'jelly like substance (which looks suspiciously still like 'juice like substance') out of water-torture device with tongs. Drops jar several times back into the fire-y pit of undulating water hell and splashes eyeballs with what feels like volcanic magma. Have I just lost the strength in my hands and arms? Lost the will to live?
At long last jars are out and cooling, kids have stopped crying, and blessedly, time to open a bottle of well-deserved red wine. Call pizza place. Vow to forever buy delicious and nutritious store-bought jelly.
Result: Canning is bullshit.
People who say canning is fun and easy like to laugh at other people's expense and/or have a well-honed ability to know when the hot firemen with no sense of smell or fear of smoke, are on duty to show up at the house when it starts to burn down.